Doing Great

I enjoyed reading my last post and realized how long it's been since written. I haven't abandoned my Sobriety, although as the weather improves and the days are growing warmer, old habits of hanging in the front or back yard with a glass of wine are proving to be challenging.
I'm over the cravings and in fact I'm now in the "scared shitless to take a drink phase". I don't think I could drink even if I wanted to. It's like when you get sick eating your favorite food and while you have memories of it being good the thought turns your stomach. OR I should say the idea of waking up hung over isn't worth it.
I'm not sure if you still understand the habit of doing something vs the craving. My cravings are gone but the lingering habit of this is what you do....this is what you've always done, still sits fore front in my mind. Lucky for me I haven't had to change my life too much. I still attend gatherings. I still go with friends to have a drink, I still sit in the front yard with neighbors and talk as the kids race around the streets and we watch the sun go down. This is where I'm lucky and I know I am truly done with alcohol. I think their are a lot of people who feel they need it in their life to function. After 6 months I have been able to balance friends and a social schedule with out needing to drink.
I had a Bunco fundraiser at my house a few weeks ago. Of course you can't host a Bunco party with out Alcohol. Or at least I don't know of a dry Bunco party. I wasn't nervous about not drinking, more about being asked why I wasn't drinking. But about an hour into the party I quickly realized no one even noticed. I was busy with food and making sure everyone elses cocktail was filled. I mastered a mean Margarita with my brand new Blender, which for the first time was introduced to alcohol since I bought it. I did have one clear onset of panic with the first Margarita I made. I realized OMG I can't taste it. which any person would do before passing it on the drinker. I quickly became flustered about what to do. Luckily my wing man that night jumped in and tasted it for me. Which I felt bad because she didn't want to drink either, but she totally saved me. I can't describe the caos in my head when I went to put the spoon to my mouth as habit. A huge alarm went off telling me NOOOOOO! Now that one taste wouldn't have killed me and it wouldn't have set me drinking again. But how much alcohol does it take to realign all the craving triggers in my brain. I didn't even want to find out. I don't or can't risk going through that piece again. So fear is driving my sobriety right now which is just fine. I don't want to touch the stove and find out how hot it is. It's just not worth it.