I had posted at the early stages of my sobriety a picture of a bracelet I could wear to remind me of how close to the edge I was walking. It seems even more important I have this talisman to help me continue forward. The farther I get away from that time in my life, the more I forget what a deep hole I had put myself into. Its similar to child birth. The first time you are oblivious of the pain so you agree to subject your body to it. You have the baby and for the first few months you are constantly reminded of how freaking hard it was and the pain is forefront in your mind. Then about 18months later, after your body has put itself back together and the pain is a distance memory you decide that it sounds like a great idea again. Only to be in the middle of labor you start asking yourself why the hell you signed up twice. This is why we have only two children (that among other reasons like money)
I woke up this morning for the first time understanding and accepting that I'm sober. I know there will still be hard days and things will come up and my urges will tear at me. This morning I felt my new habit of sobriety has finally given way to my old habit of drinking. It's hard to explain but something just clicked. I don't feel the inner battle. I'm okay staying sober.......I just totally start crying. Apparently the relief is finally worth all the struggle. It only took 73 days.
I have chosen the symbol above instead of the bracelet. It is the Koru symbol from New Zealand. It represents the fern frond's new growth. Native Maori meaning represents spirit, tranquility and new growth or new beginnings. I thought this was more appropriate and encompasses my life right now and going forward. I'm hoping it will fit on the same necklace right next to my 26.2 charm. Both sobriety and marathons have a lot in common. They both take a lot of strength, endurance, and time.
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