Early this morning I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that felt so real and when you wake up you were thankful that is wasn't. I don't know all the details but I was into a big project and when we finished (not sure who we was) we went back to the house. I was offered a beer and without thinking I drank it. I didn't have the swooning effects that alcohol gives you but I remember drinking one after another. During this time I didn't realize something was wrong. It felt normal and fine but I just remembered opening one beer after another and cans started piling up off to the side. We (again not really sure who we were) were laughing, talking and having a great time. Then my husband came in. He asked me what I was doing. It became crystal clear as to what was wrong. All my convictions were staring me in the face and I felt like a complete failure. I repeatedly tried to explain to him "they had handed me a beer and it didn't seem wrong", "I didn't realize what was happening". I just knew it was all because of that one beer. I remember feeling so much guilt and remorse during my dream. Trying to wish back that first beer, seeing the disappointment in my husband.
I awoke sleepily and laid there happy it was just a dream. It was an odd feeling to realize one beer means so much to me still. I know I can't have even just one. In reality I would never even start to drink now, but even though it was a dream the guilt felt so real. I'm glad I had the dream it's very clear to me what I would feel like if I decided to drink again.
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