Easter Day

I'm finding I need this blog less and less as time goes on. At this point living sober is not an extreme event it's becoming more and more part of my life. I still have thoughts about "am I done with Alcohol forever" is there a day that maybe some day I will take a drink?

Easter day like all holidays have been fueled by alcohol. I would usually get up and get our dinner going and sometime around 12:00 I would start drinking. I usually would stick to beer because I knew I would be drinking all day and drinking wine (which I preferred) would put me close the the edge of sloppiness to quickly. We would eat and then gather outside for our coveted egg hunt. If it was sunny we would hide eggs for each other until the shells finally came off . There were always some that never made it back into the house and became food for some creature in the back yard.

I wouldn't say it was hard this year being sober, just different. I made Brunch instead of Dinner and I still looked forward to hiding eggs. It was fun but I could feel the difference in the level of excitement on my part. Alcohol always make the silliest things, like hiding Easter eggs more exciting and fun. We went a few rounds enjoying the sun but I quickly lost interest. My heart just wasn't into it. In fact the whole day I felt quite out of sorts. I wasn't really in the mood to entertain and had my present company had other places to go I probably would have opted out of Brunch all together.

 When you are drinking it's almost like time doesn't exist and you can sit and have the most compelling conversations. Sober I feel like conversations are hard and don't have a natural flow. This isn't in everyday life. But in everyday the conversations are usually around the task at hand. I need to find my place in this sober social circle, reinvent my social character as it were. I know it will come with time, but I think this is the negative stereo type you hear about when Sober people attend the party. They're boring, or "they just don't get what I'm saying". I'm not standing around brooding about not drinking, in fact I really only thought of it a few times. I'm just having a hard time feeling the same intense emotion about the topic of conversation that usually comes while drinking. I notice and feel time clicking by.

I have many more events coming up this year where the dynamic of me being sober will change things. Once this year is done and I'm finally past all the social settings where alcohol played such a key role I hoping to finally find my comfort zone.

101 days Sober :)