It's weird sometimes to think I don't drink any more. It used to be the thought of not drinking was hard to grasp. I used to ask myself "how could I go a night without alcohol" What would I do? Well it seems I do the same things just without a drink in my hand and I feel a hell of a lot better for it. I still miss the social piece, the occasional Sunday afternoon drink. It's hard to picture what this summer is going to be like. My favorite time to park the chair in the driveway, soak up some sun and have a glass of wine.
I'm not feeling as much self pity these days about not drinking because I feel the benefits of being sober everyday. I don't feel tethered to the detailed planning of drinking. Yes there is a plan. I couldn't go out to dinner without a plan of drinking....who will drive, how many can I drink and how much will I need when I get home, what do I have going on tomorrow do I need to make sure I don't over drink, do I have enough Gatorade at home to hydrate.
The freedom of not having to constantly be planning for drinking is huge. When you are drinking everyday you don't realize how much effort and planning went into your habit. Not that I'm utilizing my recovered time to get more done. That is one thing I can say about drinking. When I would get a few in me I could get a lot done.
Thoughts creep in and out of my head through out the day but they have definitely changed to more an epiphany of "wow" how deep I really was into drinking. Amazed at the balancing I did to make sure I could drink on a regular basis.
It's nice to have my mind and body back in total control.
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