Seasonal change

I'm starting to make plans and fill my summer calendar. It seems crazy I would need to start this early, but things like camping, races and such need to be planned out or you will never go. My friend called me to talk about Hood to Coast. This is one of my favorite summer runs. I have talked about the relay in previous blogs but just to recap it's a 12 man relay over 200 miles. On paper it sounds crazy but it's the most motivating thing I do all year. Being in a van for 30 hours straight with people cheering you on, telling you how awesome you are, and sharing stories from the years running schedule is just about the most positive place you can be. At the end of the Relay they have a huge party with a beer garden that takes up an acre. When we come in and finish the relay, we take a Team photo and head straight to the beer garden. My friend and husband are there waiting for me (having been there a while) and ready to play. Even though they have usually had a few by the time I get there, my lack of sleep and pure exhaustion allows for me to become assimilated quickly with just one beer. We stay for a while usually having a few more, then find some place to eat. By then my head is usually about to hit the table and we head to the hotel room and I sleep the best sleep I will have for the entire year.

The following day we rise, shower and head for breakfast. After eating nothing but bagels, cream cheese, Gatorade and beef jerky I'm ready for a full blown breakfast. We see a lot of teams at breakfast that morning. Some walking normal others listing about sore from their experience and lack of training. I'm happy to say I'm no longer sore after Hood to coast. We all get a round of bloody Mary's to start the day. This is the prelude to the events that will take place for the rest of the day. There's not much to do in Seaside but drink and shop which we do for the remainder of our stay. After running 17 miles I can pretty much sit in a bar guilt free eating everything fried or on a bun.

So what does it mean this year. As I was talking with my friend thoughts flicked to "well if I just drank that night that would be okay" Justifying my actions over and over in my head. Then I started feeling guilty for even thinking that. This event is still 3 months away and I'm putting energy toward what's right and wrong. Self Pity sets in because it's not fair. This all took place in less than  15secs.

This is just part of the process of me coming to terms with my sober life. Sober people (truly sober people) never even think twice about such things. Every month I'm needing drinking less and less. There are about 100 obstacles still in my way even before we get to this particular event. All will be challenging and push my conviction to the edge of the cliff where I stand, toes dangling, staring down at the drink I once consumed without even a thought.