"What do I want out of staying Sober"

1. Getting shit done. Up until now I have been able to do everything I want and still entertain my social friend. In fact most people were amazed at how much I could handle at once. This last year things started to change. My tolerance increased and I could entertain my social friend longer without getting sloppy. It's taking more time to recover. I might loose a whole day because I was sick and couldn't get out of bed. This isn't very often because it only took the one night and I would put myself in check. But the times between this happening are getting closer and closer. It used to only happen once a year, then maybe a few times, now it's once a month. I think the main thing is my tolerance is so high now I can drink way more than my body can handle. Hence me not getting anything done. I don't feel like I'm good at anything right now. My house is unorganized, my garage is a constant pit, my garden isn't where I want it to be and all these things way heavy upon me.
2. My Health. I'm a runner and I play soccer. For a while I was doing really good at both and still able to entertain my social friend. Over the past year my performance has been dwindling. I actually remember running one day and thinking to myself "I had 7 beers last night and this 8 miler isn't so bad". I had convinced myself I can continue to drink and think I was still performing well. I used to use running and soccer to help me keep drinking in check. I knew that if I had to run the next day I couldn't drink. Then I figured out I could drink the night before and still go out and do these things. Needless to say I haven't been running or doing anything to the level I know I can. I have put 25 pounds, I feel like crap, and my blood sugar is all over the place. I want to be a good runner again. I want to run a marathon and feel awesome and proud. I want to loose 20 pounds and get into a bikini again. I don't want Diabetes and I want to be a good example for my kids
3. My Kids. Growing up I had a Dad who never touched the stuff and a Mom who was like me. I saw the progression over the years and saw the signs. While at the time I didn't consider the ramifications of what could actually happen. Without going into details I don't want my kids to see me like that. I don't want to give up and give in to alcohol. I don't want them to be exposed to this when they are teenagers and I no longer have the control of what they are doing. I'm having to own up to progression that is happening. I can no longer convince my self that I can control this, that I'm not like my Mother. I'm scared that if I don't change my habits then I will. That would be the saddest thing ever. Especially when I know the outcome.

For right now this is my list. I will continue to add to it and use it to remind me why I shouldn't give in, why I should stay sober.