Devil on my shoulder

It's been a while since I blogged. Everyday I think about what I'm going to write and then the day goes by and I didn't get a chance. Which is why the Devil on my shoulder is back and pestering me about drinking. 

This weekend a dear sweet friend finally had to say good bye to her house. It makes me sad she has to give it up. She works hard and has made ends meet for years as a single mom. But unfortunately circumstances had changed enough that she needed to move on. Luckily she was able to find a buyer so she is doing everything the right way and maintaining her excellent credit. I helped her move all weekend making hard decisions of what to keep and what to get rid of. No matter where she goes she will need to downsize. So what does that have to do with me drinking......nothing and everything.
We started packing Friday night and then we moved and packed all day Saturday and Sunday. The physical work involved plus the emotional piece just sent off bells ringing in my head. I think about drinking everyday but this was the old urges coming back. I just wanted to sit down and have a glass or two of wine. I wanted to pop open a nice cold beer when I got home and veg out.
I started the round robin thinking of I can do this....It's just this once. Then after this weekend I will go back to being good. OVER and OVER and OVER this played in my mind. Finally I was in the car with my friend and told her I wanted to drink so bad.

What did my wonderful friend say to me.......It's just the weather, You have been doing so good you really don't want to drink.

Complete Bullshit. I totally wanted to drink. Thank god she was there. I don't think I would have. But she helped me refocus.

So after a weekend filled with moving my friend. I went into Book Fair week. Being a stay at home Mom has huge perks one of them is not having to leave the house before 9:00am. Granted most mornings my day starts at 4:45am but it is filled with a early run, getting child one on the bus and getting child two up and moving all the while drinking coffee and writing this blog in less than appropriate attire for the outside world. My week this week has been....in the shower by 5:30, dressed and hair done. Child one ready to leave before 7:00am, planning for child two so I can come back and pick him up. I feel for all my working friends. At least it's only for one week once a year or until the next project I volunteer for.

So back to that darn Devil sitting on my shoulder. I have been loosing the momentum of my conviction. I know this first year is going to be hard. I can totally see why people relapse. You start to second guess  you ever had a problem. It's hard to remember what you felt like, inside and out. I just have to keep telling my self everyday I did have a problem and I can't drink. Maybe someday the Devil on my shoulder will believe it. 

60 days today