4 day weekend. Thanks to budget cuts the children are once again out of school. I'm actually looking forward to the 4 day weekend. I have a 10 miler on Saturday, a few projects to do, but mostly hang out.
It's my Friends birthday so I'm up against another challenging weekend. This one I have been dreading. The past event weekends I was looking forward to the challenge of being sober in a drinking environment. Testing my sea legs at is were. But I will be around 2 individuals who both have social drinking issues as well as personal baggage even TWA would look at it awe. Luckily I have another wonderful friend who will be with me and who is in full support and knowledge of my sobriety.
I'm not even going into this weekend thinking about me drinking and possibly being tempted. I'm thinking more about having to give an explanation about why I'm not drinking. My go to answer right now is "I'm in training" or "I'm really trying to focus on getting back into my training schedule". Everyone I have told this too will actually agree or give support. I may be surprised, but I doubt I'm going to get the warm fuzzy..."Oh that's awesome you are trying to do something right for yourself". This is what I'm predicting......
Sit down for dinner. Everyone orders a glass of wine. "I'll take a Tonic with lime". "Are you not drinking?" Me: "No, I'm trying to really concentrate on my training". Them: So you are running tomorrow? Me: "No, I have just decided to not drink for a while so I can focus on Running" Them: Come on, you can have a couple" Me: No, I'm really trying to be good" Them:......silence...glance at each other, roll their eyes, big sigh.....silence......read the menu........awkward conversation for the next 1/2 hour.
Above their head the thought bubbles are bursting with "why the hell did she come out then?" "Her and her training are more important than the birthday celebration" "Well, isn't she special" "OH God we have to hear about her training again".
I know you are thinking to yourself....why in the hell do you care. Honestly I don't because right now no peer pressure will make me drink, but who enjoys being in that situation. Not many. So why am I exposing myself to it. One... I'm not sure they truly will even care however I have seen the snickering and judgment from them on more than one occasion. Luckily they will have each other to feed off of all night (which I'm grateful for), secondly this is part of dealing with sobriety in a drinking world. It's not just me getting used to being sober it's all the people who have drank with me getting used to "me" being sober. Their are some people you just can't stop seeing or having relations with. AND they are also the same people who don't need to know every detail about your UNwasted life. I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill. But I would rather be prepared then get trapped and suddenly burst out about being a raging alcoholic to two people who would benefit from sobriety as much as I do. If I didn't know them so well and how there minds work I wouldn't give a shit. But I do know them and very well. I know the judgement and nothing is worse then seeing drunk people judge you when you are sober. This is payback though, because their have been many times when I thought the same way. Why would you choose to be sober at an event THERES AN OPEN BAR FOR GOD SAKES! Well. What comes around goes around and maybe that's what it boils down too. I'm finally faced with the contempt and judgement I so easily passed on people when I was drunk and they chose to be sober. Hey, I think that's an AA step....
Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
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