Short films played in my head

I've always had this but for some reason it's becoming more intense lately. I have thess random memories pop in my head. They are like little short films or clips full of emotion, mainly embarrassment. Most of these memory clips happen from drunken events. I will be doing something then WHAM this memory fills my head and I just wish I could go back in time and erase it. Call "Cut" and reset the scene for a retake.

The part of drinking we love so much is the free flow of emotion and relaxation we get. We become open and freer to do things wouldn't normally do. Dancing for intstance.....you would never get on the dance floor and start doing poses from Madonna's "Vogue" if you didn't have a couple glasses of wine. For the most part I was never a risk taker when it came to drinking. I still had my witts about be. But there are more than a few times I wish I could just take back that one night. For example one memory that plays in mind as of late is an Ugly Sweater Christmas Party I went too. It was the first time I was invited to attend a party with Teachers and staff for a school I ran the PTA for. At some point I felt compelled to show everyone my new tattoo of Lady bugs. They are not in an overly provacative spot per se' but I certainly didn't need to share my little ladies with my childs educational staff. Ouch!

My main focus is to let this stuff go. I need to process it and move on. There are always things you wish you didn't say or things you wish you could take back. That's part of life. But I think when you do them drunk you feel a higher sense of guilt and a greater weight of responsibility for them. Had you not been drunk these events would probably have never happened.  I made a pack with myself long ago to never fight while drinking. The few fights my husband and I would have while drinking seemed to be riled with passion and both of us would sit on either side determind to change the others point of view. We would cry and make declarations with such conviction you would have thought our marrige would end unless the other gave in. Then you would wake up the next moring and realize the argument was over something so mundane.

Drinking wasn't all bad. I have some great memories and those I don't want to loose. I just want to get rid of the guilt connected to the bad decisions made along the way in my drunk life. I need to forgive myself and move on.