So I made it unscathed and sober through Saturday. I know after reading my post you probably were thinking I'm over dramatic and speculating the worse from my friends. Well, those that know them know anything can happen, but I was surprised at how much they didn't care I wasn't drinking. In fact from what I can tell it didn't put a damper on the party what so ever. I really didn't even need to try and be social. I think that comes naturally for me anyway.
So all in all it was a good night. I will say staying up till 2:00am is still a feat. I just don't roll that way anymore. Most often my kids are the one tucking me into bed at night. AND I'M TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT!
So what was my real fear going into that night....Struggling with what to say about not drinking anymore. I just don't want to be caught off guard and dumping my inner soul on people who can't handle that information. Even roll playing the night in my head, I still snapped a little when my friend asked me at the dinner table if I was drinking. I said a very confident NO but had a little more power behind it than I wanted. I really was just making sure it wasn't up for discussion and apparently it worked. But it came out like that because I'm still uncomfortable telling people. This is very personal and when you start telling people you're an alcoholic people treat you differently. Meaning they start changing around you. They become to worried to drink around you. While this is very sweet it's not right. I have used other people as an enabler for years. Not stopping because my life is filled with people drinking around me. Well the reality is unless I want to live on a deserted island (not tropical because they serve really yummy drinks there too) I need to learn to navigate through this life with alcohol at arms reach.
My husband argued this point with me a little saying the people that really matter in my life will support me and change because they respect me. I get that. I appreciate that. But it's my responsibility not to drink. Not someone Else's.
Example- We can no longer drink around my mom. Let me rephrase that...we can't have alcohol around my mom because she will take it. Now her problem is everyone Else's problem (what's really funny is her problem is my problem haha) I don't want to be that person. My problem is mine. I own it and I don't need to share it with anyone. Therefore I don't want people to feel they need to alter their behavior or actions around me.
51 days, 178lbs, ran 3 miles and 45 mins of strength training.
It's a great Monday
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