Proud of myself last night. I actually cut myself off. I still had the reminder of last weekend sitting in the forefront of my brain. Did not want to relive Sunday. It's not like I don't ever cut myself off, but it is pretty few and far between. I get in these moods when I'm drunk and realize "what will another glass do at this point. I'm already going to be hung over.....who cares". Well I care the next morning when I wake up.
So on to another day of thinking about sobriety. It always sounds like an incredible idea in the morning. I'm motivated to change my life, get back on track, throw the bottles in the trash. Then around 1:00pm I start to justify that if I have just one bottle of wine it will be fine. I start figuring out how I'm going to do my workout the next day if I can't wake up early. I spend a lot of useless time worrying and trying to figure out how I can drink. THIS IS CRAZY huh? If you ever had a question whether you are an alcoholic I think if you can relate to those last few sentences then YES you are.
Everyday I have been thinking about sobriety and how it will fit in my life. Why is this so hard. To someone that doesn't drink or can control their drinking this must sound so idiotic. The urge sometimes can completing make me do irrational things. Not dangerous things just silly ways to justify my behavior. Once I get started on my sobriety I will get into the details of how I got to this point. Until then you must endure the planning stage how I'm going to make it through a year with out drinking.
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