I feel better after yesterdays post. I know it's going to be hard but this morning laying in bed my frustration with myself continues. I wanted to get up and go running but the antics of the night before caused me to be lazy. Instead of doing, I was just thinking, This really doesn't help me loose weight, feel better about myself, or help me get things done around the house. Ian yesterday said he couldn't believe it was almost Christmas. I can't wait for it to be over. I'm starting not to like the Christmas. I'm excited for the kids but for me it's so much work to find the right gift. Often times it goes unappreciated or wasn't what they wanted. The gifts have turned into elaborate items. Why can't it be simple or why can't it be just about being together. Like I said the kid piece I totally get. I want them to have fun and get excited but as an adult that's enough for me. Apparently Ian is finally frustrated with the gifts I give so this year he has bought all his own. Or he took pictures and then I went to go get them, WOW Merry F$%&*@# Christmas. I'm surrounded by 3 people who gift giving is the hardest piece and get nothing but contempt when I try to do something. I'm sure these three people would totally disagree but I have sat in the room enough times watching them open a gift and see it in their face. I've tried the "lets just get the kids something". Or lets just give one thing. One year Ian and I didn't exchange gifts at all and it was wonderful. I really wish we could do that. I wish we could do that all the way around birthdays, anniversary etc.
Well there are only 5 days left and it will be over. Then I will move on to the next big change in my life. This will bring a more positive attitude and rejuvenation on my part. A focus on Spiritual not material.
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